Ace of Cakes
by conspiredfate
Summary: Meet Kanda and Allen: two of the best in the cake business. When a competition throws them together, can they work together to win, and possibly work out their feelings at the same time? AU, Yullen.
1. A Prologue of Sorts

Authors Note: Haha, it's me again, with another AU Yullen. I know, I know, _Sugar-Free_'s still in the works, but this one's just a lighthearted - more fluffy - piece that started out like a oneshot. It's written in a completely different style than Sugar-Free, so I hope you like it. It'll probably only be like 3 chapters long, FYI.  I got the idea while watching the food channel show of the same name...which reminds me!

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Except this plot.

Enjoy! :D

* * *

_Take a right turn off Fifth Avenue, onto East 59th and you'll stumble across a black brick building, with the name_ Black Order Cakes_ written in rolling script across the front window. Look inside on a good day and you'll see six of the best in the biz working diligently on their latest creations._

_Welcome to_ _the Black Order, New York City's hottest new bakery._

* * *

**ACE OF CAKES**

_Kanda x Allen_

* * *

 "Good morning, my beautiful bakers!"

Enter Lavi, the charismatic and spunky owner of Black Order Cakes, known for his crazy designs that were only humanly possible because of these people:

"Good morning, Lavi!"

"Yo, Lavi. Got my coffee?"

"G-G-Good morning, Lavi."

"Stop being so loud, I've got a damn headache."

Lavi sighed. "Well, Yuu, if you hadn't chugged all those beers--"

"It wasn't my fault! Stupid beansprout came up with the bet, didn't he?"

"Oh yeah, where is our favorite little bean?" Lavi set down the tray of Starbucks on the front counter and surveyed the bakery.

There was Lenalee Lee, smiling as always as she pulled a set of cakes from the freezer; Fou yawned and stopped rolling out fondant to wait expectantly for her usual morning pick-me-up; Miranda Lotto was clearly sweating as she practiced her icing on a dummy cake, under the scrutinizing eyes of Yuu Kanda…

Ah, yes, Kanda.

Yuu Kanda was possibly the quickest cake maker Lavi had ever seen, though his speed was only one of the things that made him stand out from others in his profession. Kanda could bake _anything_, Lavi came to discover, no matter how funky or insane or impossible, if he gave Kanda an order, the guy would make it happen. Yup, he certainly was the pride of Black Order Cakes, bringing in most of their celebrity clients. Now if only he didn't have such a rude disposition, he'd be perfect. The absolute best--

The bell above the door chimed as a young man stumbled in, panting.

"Ah, good morning everyone, sorry I'm late!"

--the absolute best, tied with this guy. Allen Walker.

"Oh, Allen, 'morning," Lavi slapped him on the back while handing him his Starbucks (peppermint hot chocolate). "What took ya?"

Allen Walker was a prodigy in the culinary world. He was three years younger than Kanda and Lavi at nineteen, and the only one in their class at the French Culinary Institute to complete a bachelor's degree at that age. His specialty was in detail and the artistic parts of cakes- he was best when given a carte blanche, but he worked his magic even on extremely specific orders. He wasn't as fast as Kanda, but his finished work was just as breathtaking.

"I sort of killed my alarm clock when it went off," Allen admitted with a sheepish grin, "and then by the time I woke up again it was already 7:00…"

"No worries kiddo, today's not too busy anyway," Lavi said, making his way to the back, handing off coffee.

Allen shrugged off his coat and headed to his station where Lenalee had already laid out the cakes for him to work with…and where Kanda worked right next to him.

"Morning, jerk," Allen greeted fondly.

"Shut the hell up, beansprout," Kanda snapped (the fondness was in there somewhere, really).

"Hangover that bad, or is the sting of losing to a 'kid' worse?" Allen smirked.

"Fuck you. You shouldn't even be drinking, stupid bean!" Kanda growled, wincing when his voice got too loud for his aching head.

"Cut it out you two," Lenalee sighed, stepping in if only due to habit.

"Why? I think it's pretty damn amusing," Fou grinned as she chugged her coffee (a grande espresso that raised a few eyebrows the first time she ordered it), mood visibly improving.

"Now, now, we play after we work," Lavi called in a sing-song voice from the front desk, "So work, or I'll make sure you don't play!"

"Yeah, yeah," came the bored chorus, but everyone obediently resumed their respective job.

It was strange; to think a group of people so different could come together to make such beautiful things... though their lives were intertwined long before the Black Order Bakery came into existence.

* * *

You could say it started in culinary school.

Now, Kanda and Lavi had known each other long before then, so maybe it really _started _in Mr. Boric's cooking class in grade 10, when Kanda's genius had first been discovered…but that's a different story for a later time.

Cooking school was where they all came together, in any case; the Culinary Institute of New York City to be precise.

Lavi had always known he'd be a chef; his parents had owned a diner and though it had closed after their untimely death, Lavi was determined to reopen it, or better yet- start his own. Kanda was another case. Lavi had been the one to convince Kanda to apply (along with much needed help from Kanda's cousins, Lenalee and Komui) and after much arguing (and after one full scholarship arrived in the mail), Kanda relented. Only because there was _absolutely nothing else _he could get a full scholarship in, he insisted.

Dorm groupings were in threes, and that's where Allen Walker stumbled into the mix. After being forcefully paired with him during Chef Sokaro's desert classes, Lavi and Kanda (despite whatever he said), found themselves to be close friends with the younger teen. Lavi swears Kanda was crushing on the kid, but Lavi also swears his grandfather is a panda.

Fou entered their lives shortly after Allen; she and Allen worked together in the same restaurant in high school, and when it was decided that they were to open shop, Allen asked if he could bring her in too (it had always been her childhood dream, he said). Lavi thanks the gods for her presence every single day. Not because of her_self,_ exactly (she's rather lacking the sweetness and gentility Lenalee has), but because it was solely thanks to Fou that they managed to find a relatively cheap location to set up shop. Let it be known that fresh graduates from culinary school do _not_ have tons of cash to spend. Fou, it turned out, 'knew a guy' who owned a bar and an empty space right off 59th, which was too perfect to pass up. And it sure helped that 'this guy' was totally head-over-heels for Fou; badly enough that he gave them _much_ less rent than they would've had to pay normally. Yup, Bak Chan was totally getting ripped off, but that kept more money in Lavi's bank account, and that meant more money for partying, and partying makes _everyone_ happy.

The guy was also nice enough to rent out the extra apartment space above his bar next door to Fou and Allen. Allen was an orphan too, but unlike Lavi and Kanda he had not the support of other family members. However, Bak wasn't exactly a millionaire, so you _could say_ that the apartment Allen stayed in was more aptly described as a grouping of three rooms that sort of resembled a kitchen, bedroom and bathroom. It certainly didn't help that Allen was a messy bachelor either.

The floors creaked, the faucets dripped, the view was less than stunning (dumpsters and pigeons not exactly being the most aesthetically pleasing things on earth) and Allen slept on the same mattress he'd had as a kid, since nothing bigger would fit through the apartment door. He could barely walk in the kitchen, because the fridge took up too much space, the oven door never shut, and one of the stoves sparked every now and then. As for the bathroom? Allen prefers to use the one in the bar downstairs, is all that shall be said.

No offense to Bak Chan or anything, but the guy _totally_ gave the only decent, rentable, _livable _space to Fou. Lovesick jerk.

More than _anything_, Allen wanted to move out.

* * *

Lavi had not been kidding when he said the day wasn't going to be busy; by late afternoon everyone except Kanda and Allen had finished their daily assignments, and the aforementioned two weren't finished only because they had the biggest and most complicated order.

"Move over, jerk," Allen muttered (keeping his voice down for Kanda's sake?), nudging Kanda aside with his elbow and brandishing a paintbrush in his other hand, "I'm _trying_ to beautify this thing."

"Don't push me, retard," Kanda grumbled back (though he did scoot over), "I'm working with a knife. How about I use it to _beautify_ your shitty face first?"

"Kanda, my face is _impossible _to further beautify. You, on the other hand, we could give a shot at."

"Do you even look in the mirror, stupid bean? You look like an old man."

"And you look like a girl."

"Oi, feminine face and gray-haired geezer," Fou barked from the front, "We're going out to eat. You comin' or are you two kids content with bickering like an old married couple?"

A few more expletives on Kanda's part and about ten minutes later, the entire gang (sans Miranda, who had another part-time job to head off to) had filed out onto 5th avenue, now facing the choice of where to eat.

After loitering around for about an hour, they decided to head on over to Queens to catch a meal in their favorite pizza joint, _Barry's_, which was also coincidentally the only restaurant they got a discount on alcoholic beverages in since the owner, Daisya Barry, was something like Kanda's friend (they were in detention together every week, does that count?). But discount aside, _Barry's_ did have pretty amazing pizza, and was totally worth the drive.

Lenalee drove.

It had been this way for a long time, and with good reason. Allen, it turned out, had issues differing between left and right while 'under pressure', resulting in more than one almost-accident and at least three occasions where they spent two hours getting to a place that should've taken them ten minutes to get to.  
Lavi was fucking insane. He didn't understand the difference between flooring the accelerator and _gently tapping_ the accelerator. After one two-hundred-dollar ticket for speeding, it was unanimously decided that Lavi would _never_ drive again.  
Kanda… was actually not _that_ bad, were it not for Fou's backseat driving. That coupled with Kanda's already low tolerance for idiots on the road made him quite volatile in the driver's seat. The worst incident to date was when he actually got out of the car and nearly sliced the side-view mirrors off an elderly couple's puttering excuse for a vehicle after the offending automobile made them miss three consecutive green lights. Kanda didn't drive again after that.  
Fou was another matter entirely; she didn't even have a license to begin with, saying that getting one would take all the fun out of driving. Allen was the only one brave enough to drive with her in the car after she made that opinion known.

Anyway, with Lenalee driving they made it to the restaurant within the hour, and at 6:15, they had stuffed themselves into a booth and were waiting for their menus.

"Oi, stop touching me."

"That's kind of _hard_, Kanda, when you're sitting so close," Allen retorted from his place between Kanda and Lavi.

"Who asked you to sit next to me?" Kanda snapped, looking uncomfortable as Allen kept squirming to find a comfortable spot. "Stop _squirming_!" he hissed when Allen's hand brushed his leg.

"Sorry, Jesus," Allen muttered, finally settling for leaning against Kanda's shoulder. He looked up briefly to see if the other minded, but Kanda was glaring at the table.

"Didn't I just say to stop touching me?" Kanda grumbled after a moment.

"Hey, it's either this or I sit in your lap. Which one do you prefer?"

"Go for the lap, Allen," Lavi chimed in, "it's _way_ sexier."

"Nobody's asking you, stupid rabbit!" Kanda half-yelled.

"See? Yuu'd like it better too. Look how red he's getting--"

"Really?" Allen tried craning his neck back to get a look. Kanda roughly pushed down on Allen's head and growled.

"Ouch! You made me bite my tongue, you _bastard_!"

"I see you two are getting along wonderfully, as usual," a new voice put in. "So? How's my favorite gang of delinquents doing?"

"Daisya!" Lavi grinned, "We're all doing pretty damn well… and the lovebirds here have made some progress too. Look! Kanda's actually letting someone _touch him!_" he said as though he were speaking on the discovery channel.

Daisya looked incredulous.

"Well fucking _shit_, ain't that the case," he shook his head, "I'm impressed. Congrats, Kanda!"

"Do you two have a _death wish_?"

Lenalee sighed and placed a placating hand on Kanda's shoulder, grip tightening painfully until he stopped twitching. Once satisfied Kanda wasn't going to disembowel someone, she smiled. "Hey Daisya. How's business been?"

"Pretty damn good, if I do say so myself."

"Good enough to give us an extra round of free beer?" Fou asked innocently. Daisya laughed.

"Hell, why not! Who won last time the lovebirds had a drink off?"

"We're not fucking _lovebirds_," Kanda gritted out. "I will _kill_ the next person who says that."

"He's trying to avoid the fact that I won," Allen replied smugly, "He's still embarrassed that I totally and completely kicked his sorry ass. And I'm not even _legal_."

"That's what makes it even better!" Daisya (and the rest of the table) laughed heartily at Kanda's expense. "But apart from the free stuff, I take it you'll order the usual?"

"Yup, yup," Lavi glanced briefly at the menu, "a whole pizza for Al and two cheese for us."

"Gotcha. I'll bring the drinks over in a sec." Daisya wrote down their order with a flourish and headed back to the kitchens.

- - -

"Dude, my money's totally on Allen," Fou said seriously. She and Lavi leaned over the table on their elbows, intently watching the battle between Kanda and Allen. Lenalee sighed, but she was watching curiously anyway.

"I dunno," Lavi bit his lip, "Kanda's holding his own pretty well tonight."

"Would you stop talking about us like we're not in the fucking room?" Kanda snapped, slamming down another empty beer bottle. "Oi, Daisya! One more round."

"Shit, you two ain't knocked out _yet_?" Daisya grumbled as he set down another two bottles. "You're gonna run me outta stock."

Allen and Kanda went back to chugging, glaring at each other all the while, and Lavi and Fou set up their commentary again.

"Allen's like a bottomless pit," Fou reasoned, "it's like he's not even _drinking_ all that shit, it's more like it's draining into a black hole."

"Yeah, I guess--"

"Kanda's going to win."

Lavi and Fou snapped to look at Lenalee, who sat arms crossed and eyes closed. She cracked one eye open and chuckled at her friend's bewildered looks.

"It's easy. See, last time when Allen won, he ate _three _pizzas, but today he's only eaten one and a half. There's less food in his stomach, so the alcohol concentration will be greater. And he lacks Kanda's experience."

"…I have new respect for you, Lenalee," Lavi bowed his head.

Three rounds later and Allen's bottle slipped from his hand and he lapsed into an uncontrollable fit of laughter.

"Kanda wins," Lavi, Fou, Lenalee and Daisya declared simultaneously. Kanda set down his bottle with a smug look.

"Take that, fucking beansprout," he taunted, slurring his words just a little. Allen's response was to start giggling again.

"Right. So who's taking Allen home?" Fou asked and all eyes turned to her.

"Um… you live next door. Aren't you going to…?" Lenalee asked.

"Yeah, see, I would, but I'm actually not going home yet. I'm takin' the subway to Lou Fa's place."

"_Now_? At _eleven_ on a weekday_?_"

"Yeah, we're going clubbing, probably. So! I'll see you jerks later!" Fou grinned, slammed her share of the bill down and flounced out of the restaurant.

"I bet she just didn't want to drag a drunken Allen up two flights of stairs, lazy bitch," Lavi sighed, pouting. "Well _I _can't take him! I live like, a ways away, you know? Takes a while for me to get home, and all. 'Specially before the subway lines close…yeah."

Lenalee sighed.

"Fine, Kanda'll take him."

"What?!"

"Hey, if you two didn't _insist _on your drinking competitions (he's not even _allowed_, Kanda!), then we wouldn't be having this dilemma in the first place. So I'll drive you back to the shop and you take him up to his apartment. Okay?" But it wasn't really a question.

* * *

A/N: I love Daisya. And Fou, which is why she's in here. Seriously. I just wanted to try writing her. Hope I did her justice!

Allen and Kanda's conversations make me happy to write. :D I hope you liked them too!

Next chapter we'll see what unfolds at Allen's apartment and the plot will get rollin'. Woo! Next update...I honestly don't know when. _Sugar-Free_ is my priority, heh; this one's just a fun side-piece that makes me happy to write. On that note...

Drop a review if it made you smile, cos reviews make me smile too. :)


	2. A Bit of Memory Loss

Kanda crossed his arms and glared out the window. One day, he'd like to have his own car. He gave a sideways glance at Lenalee, who changed the radio station to some sugary pop channel, the same one she always had on at home, blasting it from the bathroom when she took a shower so loudly that he and Komui could barely hear the news (not that Komui cared, he was chill with anything Lenalee did). Forget a car. Kanda wanted his own place.

Don't get him wrong- he … loved … Lenalee and Komui, they're the best cousins anyone could ask for; Komui put him through school and helped him pay for it, and hell, the guy took him in when he was orphaned and nobody else in the family wanted to deal with another child. Kanda owed them everything.

But they were still _family_, and at some point every bird needs to fly the coop, and Kanda's flight was long overdue.

* * *

Lenalee parked in front of the shop and turned to look expectantly at Kanda.

"Well? He's not going to carry himself up the stairs, obviously." She prompted when Kanda sat sulking.

"What about you? You're not going to help?"

"No, actually, I'm going to the gas station."

"What?" Kanda's eyes widened, "You're _leaving me _here with a drunken _kid_?"

"Oh it's not for long, Kanda. I know you're drunk but you're not _that_ incapacitated. Just make sure Allen gets in bed alright--" Kanda spluttered and Lenalee sighed. "Look, if he ends up hurting himself, you're just going to have double the work tomorrow, and Lavi'll--"

"_Fine_," Kanda hissed and stomped out of the car. Lenalee smiled inwardly. Only ten seconds of debate? Looks like Kanda wasn't as unwilling as he made himself out to be…(damn, this meant she owed Lavi five bucks, it was totally obvious Kanda was -- still -- crushing on Allen; how had she missed all the signs?)

Allen had dozed off in the back, but after a moment of awkward shifting and Kanda's swearing, he woke up.

"Wha?…Are we," a pause for a hiccup, "home?"

"Yup, Kanda's going to take you back to your apartment, okay Allen?" She laughed at his shocked expression. "Don't worry, I made him promise not to hurt you," she winked, and Allen looked a little more scared.

"Get a move on, bean," Kanda grumbled as Allen stumbled out of the car.

It was a short walk to Bak's bar, but to Kanda it felt much longer with Allen practically draped over his shoulder, cheek against his arm and breath across his neck.

A few minutes later, Allen fumbled with the lock of the bar's back door, dropping his keys several times until Kanda rolled his eyes and opened the door himself. Luckily there were only three flights of stairs… but those three proved to be somewhat challenging to Kanda's self control, especially when Allen pouted, raised his arms and asked sweetly,

"Carry me?"

He twitched, and swatted Allen's hands away.

"Like hell!"

(But he would've liked it, probably. Maybe.)

Allen struggled with the lock of his apartment, giggling all the while, but when he finally opened it and Kanda was about to leave, the younger grabbed Kanda's wrist and asked if he wanted to come inside. Not really waiting for an answer, Allen tugged him in and shut the door with a (ominous) click. He danced over to the couch and flopped himself down, laughing lightly.

"What's so funny?" Kanda found himself asking as he sat next to his partner, crossing his arms and staring at the ceiling.

"Nothing. Everything," Allen blurted, with a sigh, "this whole situation. You never would've done this a couple years ago."

Kanda looked over at Allen then, and maybe that was his first mistake (or second; he never should've let Lenalee bully him into bringing Allen back here, no good could come out of it). Allen's head tilted over the back of the couch, his long, slender neck glowing paler in the moonlight, his cheeks flushed from his alcohol-high (and perhaps something else too). His hair danced in front of his face as he laughed, silvery and ethereal, and--

--and Kanda should _really_ look away now, and should definitely kill Lavi for making him take that poetry class in the eleventh grade. Look at the shit it was making him think!

"Kanda," Allen said with one of those too-big smiles that made his eyes crinkle slightly and the hint of a dimple appear on those pink-stained cheeks, "Kanda, thank you."

Kanda didn't have time to ask what the hell he was being thanked for, because Allen flung himself into Kanda's lap and arms, clutching the older boy around the middle tightly. Kanda couldn't breathe (but it wasn't due to Allen's grip), and all he could feel were Allen's arms, Allen's face against his chest, Allen, Allen, god Allen was _warm_…

He looked down just as Allen looked up, and half-choked in a breath at the look in his liquid-silver eyes (how was it possible for someone to look so _happy_?). Allen beamed, giggling again as he pressed his cheek against Kanda's collarbone.

It was an epiphany; one that had been a long time coming. More like a slow realization as Allen laughed drunkenly in his arms that the younger seemed to fit there a little too perfectly for him to ignore. His body reacted before Kanda himself did; his arms tightened their hold around Allen so much that he slowed his giggling and looked up.

"What, Kanda?" he asked, and he was _so close_ Kanda could feel his alcohol-stained breath fan across his face, and he was leaning closer--

Kanda pulled away abruptly, shoving Allen off his lap and standing up.

"Kanda? What's wrong…?" Allen asked, extremely confused.

"You're drunk, that's what," Kanda said flatly, avoiding Allen's eyes, "…don't worry, you'll forget in the morning."

"I don't want to," Allen said, and said it so earnestly Kanda turned around for a split second, eyes widening as he took in the utter _truthfulness _in Allen's face. And then he hiccupped, and Kanda sighed.

"Just go to bed, beansprout."

"I…I've done something wrong again, haven't I?" Allen spoke when Kanda was already halfway out the door, "I'm always doing something wrong." A pause, then softly, curiously: "Are you mad at me?"

"…no," Kanda said eventually.

"But you're not happy?"

"Why does it matter?" Kanda grumbled, rubbing the bridge of his nose. "It's late, just go to _bed_."

"I want you to like me," Allen said almost mournfully, "I've always wanted you to like me, but it seems I can't do anything right when it comes to _you_. Why? I can change, for you I'd change--"

"Shut up! You don't need to change for anyone," Kanda snapped, gripping the doorframe and glaring at the ground, "…you don't need to change for me."

"But you don't like me," Allen stated matter-of-factly, and Kanda jumped at the proximity of his voice. He turned to see Allen standing a few feet away. "…do you?"

"I don't…hate you," Kanda allowed, uneasy, "as much as I used to," he added quickly. "But why the hell do you care; you hate me just as much don't you?" he threw back, "since when have you wanted to be my _best friend_?"

"I don't! I don't want to be your best friend," Allen spoke in a rush, stepping forward as Kanda stepped back, "I really like you, Kanda," he breathed, now leaning up into Kanda, backing him against the doorframe.

"Shut the fuck up. You're drunk," Kanda repeated, though his eyes followed Allen's lips as he spoke.

"You know I've never been an irrational drunk," Allen countered gently, "I mean it. I really…_really_ like you. I have…for a while…"

"You sure don't act like it," Kanda snorted, but there was hardly any force behind his words, he couldn't, not when Allen was _this close--_

"You..." Allen laughed breathily, "I just don't know how to act around you. You confuse me…get under my _skin_…" Allen sighed delicately, almost brokenly, "_Yuu_, I--"

That did it. Something in Kanda's thin control snapped, and Allen never got to finish that thought because Kanda's lips closed the millimeter distance between them. Allen didn't miss a beat, arms entwining around Kanda's neck, reaching up to run through his unbound hair and pushing himself closer at the same time. Kanda tugged at Allen's bottom lip and roughly shoved his tongue inside when Allen moaned.

Allen tasted sweet, and as a rule Kanda hated sweet things, but he figured this time he could make an exception.

* * *

So it turned out that either Allen didn't remember what happened that night or he chose to ignore it, because the next morning he was acting completely normal and completely oblivious.

"Hey, could you pass the fondant?"

"_Seriously_, beansprout?" Kanda hissed as he practically threw the requested item at Allen's face. "...You disgust me."

"What did I do now?!" Poor Allen looked taken aback, "I just asked for the fondant, you ass--"

"Who gives a damn about the fondant!" Kanda half-yelled, biting the inside of his cheek and glaring at his counter space. He lowered his voice and narrowed his eyes. "Never mind. Fuck you." He stormed (and sulked?) away, leaving Allen hopelessly confused and somewhat worried.

"What's wrong, Allen?" Lenalee asked as she pulled on an apron, "You okay?"

"I…I don't know what's gotten into Kanda," Allen frowned, "he kind of…snapped at me."

"Don't you two always snap at each other?" Fou asked slinging an arm over Allen's shoulder and looking at him curiously.

"No, no," Allen shook his head, "we bicker and stuff, but he's never been so…_harsh_ before. I think I really did something to upset him this time…but I can't for the life of me figure out what!" He rubbed the bridge of his nose and groaned. "Why can I _never_ do anything right?"

"Aw, it's not you, Allen," Fou consoled, "he's probably PMS-ing or something." Allen shrugged off her arm and sighed.

"I only wish he was that simple to understand."

* * *

Lunch was eaten at the shop that day after a flood of orders. Lenalee set up sandwiches and soda on a center table and everyone – minus one particularly cranky young man – pulled up their stools and dug in.

"Kanda," Lenalee called, "Kanda, we're eating lunch."

"I'm not hungry," he replied grumpily.

"…Kanda, it's almost one-thirty, and you just ate an apple for breakfast. It's not healthy."

Kanda slammed down the tools he was working with and stalked over, roughly grabbed a sandwich from the neatly stacked pile and stomped back to his counter. Lenalee sighed.

"Oi, where's Lavi, anyway?" Fou asked in between bites, "Didn't he say he'd be back right after delivering that wedding cake? He's like, an hour late."

Cue perfectly timed entrance, in three, two, one:

"_Tadaima_, my lovely chefs!" Lavi sang as he rushed in, hands on his hips as he waited expectantly for Kanda's usual bark at him to 'stop using Japanese'. When it didn't come, he gaped and looked over at the others. "Okay, what the _hell_ happened to Yuu?"

Allen groaned and leaned his head against the tabletop and Fou rolled her eyes.

"We don't really know why the stick up his ass decided to sprout branches, and it doesn't really matter. Why the hell are you so late?"

Lavi's cheery smile was back in an instant. "Okay, okay, okay, _so_. I was about to leave after setting up the cake, which, by the way, everyone went gaga over, so props to Yuu and Allen as usual, but I was stopped by this real important looking guy. And he was all like, 'Excuse me, are you the one who made this cake?' and I was like 'No, but I'm the guy who owns the two who did,' and he goes, 'Are you Lavi of Black Order Cakes?' and I said, 'The one and only,' and then _guess what_!"

"What?"

"So he introduces himself as Howard something-or-other, and he asks if Yuu Kanda and Allen Walker are the two guys who made the cake, and if they work at my shop. And when I said yes, he gave me this here packet of information and said…that Allen and Yuu are invited to participate in the _National Cake Competition_ in Cali-_fucking_-fornia!"

"…you mean the one where they select only a handful of people from across America?" Allen asked slowly.

"That's the one!"

"…and Kanda and I were asked to participate?"

"Yup!"

"…in California."

"In California. Oh, and the prize is ten thousand dollars. Each."

Allen fell off his stool and Kanda dropped something that made a loud clang on the metal surface.

"Where's the beer at?" Fou hollered, giving a loud celebratory whoop.

* * *

A/N: Oh noes, poor Kanda, I want to give him a hug. D:

LOL Link. I felt suddenly compelled to include him in this crazy story.

Wrote this one in parts, so please tell if something doesn't flow or sound right.

& homygosh that's the first like... real kiss scene I've written. Everr. There will be more, fyi.

Thanks to everyone who reviewed, they really made my day. :)


	3. It's All About Style, Baby

Authors Note: -waves- Hai guyz. Ima glad j00 liked mah storie.

This chapter actually has warnings: CRACK.

(Can't you tell what's coming by this note?)

8D Enjoy, readers, and remember: the only healthy crack is the literary kind.

READ ON!

* * *

Two weeks later found the group at Lenalee's place, crowded into Kanda's room and offering their decidedly undesired help to the lucky young man's packing adventure.

"Shit, dude, you can't carry your sword," Lavi said, trying to wrestle Kanda's precious katana away from him, "have you like, never been on a plane in your life? They'll throw you in jail, for sure, and you know what happens to people like you in jail--"

"Shut _up_," Kanda growled, finally yanking the blade away Lavi.

"He's right about one thing Kanda," Allen put in from his place beside Fou on Kanda's futon, "the airport officials won't let you take something like that on the plane."

"Nobody asked for your opinion," Kanda snapped (still not looking Allen in the eye), even as he reluctantly placed the katana back on its shelf.

"Is it impossible for me to leave for even a minute without you guys arguing?" Lenalee sighed as she walked in. Komui entered the room behind her.

"So, Kanda-kun, how goes the packing?" he asked, raising an eyebrow at the messy pile that was Kanda's suitcase.

"It's going pretty damn well, if you couldn't tell by looking," Kanda responded testily. "And it's just _so much better _with all these _useless _people here."

"Glad to know you love your friends so much," Fou replied with a cheeky smile, "Now. Are you ready to actually get something done?"

Everyone looked at her curiously.

"What?! Oh, don't tell me you don't know- I'm like, the best packer on the planet. Seriously. Ask Allen- that's how he got all his shit to culinary school."

Allen nodded with respectful agreement.

"I owe it all to Fou. She's bloody amazing."

Fou cracked her hands and kneeled before the mountain of belongings.

"And he had some pretty weird shit to fit into a trunk, lemme tell you; this is gonna be a piece of cake. But I'd get back, if I were you," she cautioned Kanda, whose eye twitched sharply as he gave the self-proclaimed master her space.

Fou's hands plunged into the pile of clothes and toiletries and books and she began moving them around so quickly, everything appeared a colorful (well, not really colorful, Kanda didn't really do 'color'; more like black-and-white-and oh, was that purple?) blur.

"O-Oi," Kanda began, taking a step towards his flying possessions. "What are you--"

"Don't disturb her," Allen said, reaching out to hold Kanda's arm back, "she's in a state of utter concentration that could be disastrous if it breaks. As in, her concentration probably wouldn't be the only broken thing. Do you see how fast that stuff is flying? Trust me, I learned the hard way--"

Kanda pulled his arm away roughly and hissed. "Don't touch me."

Allen dropped his hand limply and stared, utterly confused and hurt, at the man who was usually so much gentler with his insults, who had always been so much warmer to him, and who was now suddenly just as cold as he was to everyone else. Hell, he was being nicer to Fou!

_What the hell had he done wrong?!_

Allen shook himself from his thoughts as Fou gave an accomplished yell of, "Done!" He joined everyone in crowding around Kanda's suitcase, with awed expressions.

"Sweet Jesus, Fou, that's amazing," Lavi exclaimed, almost watery-eyed.

"You are _so_ packing everything of mine from now," Lenalee said with deep respect.

"I see you haven't lost any of that talent," Allen added, nodding at her finished work.

Even Kanda grunted in acknowledgement.

"Now that is a marketable skill," Komui said thoughtfully, "…interested in making a bit of money on the side, Fou?"

"What've you got planned, old man?" she asked with a wide grin, "I'll have you know, my services ain't cheap."

"Oh-ho-ho, I'm sure something can be arranged. Come into my office and we'll discuss the possibilities." Komui grinned back, and Allen could practically see the money signs dancing around their heads as they left, chattering about pay and hours and dental.

Lenalee closed Kanda's suitcase and zipped it with a relieved sense of finality. She sat down on the only-slightly-bulging piece of luggage and looked at Allen.

"Your turn, then, Allen! Or are you done packing?"

"Oh, well, ah, I don't really have anything to bring apart from my chef's uniform and a toothbrush, and since there's a laundry facility in the hotel, I'm just going to use that," Allen informed, scratching the back of his head.

Lenalee stared at him with a mildly shocked expression.

"You mean you don't have any nice clothes to wear?"

"Well, what I'm wearing is fine, isn't it?" Allen asked, slightly offended.

Lenalee and Lavi surveyed the young man's outfit – a white long sleeve dress shirt, grey-black vest that went out of style years ago, simple gray trousers and a red tie…bow…thing around his collar – and informed him simultaneously:

"_No._"

"I mean, it was fine in the Victorian age, yeah," Lavi explained, "but if you want to pick up some hot California chicks," here he paused and added breezily, "or guys, if you prefer, you're gonna need some nice clothes. You can't walk around looking like a history textbook, you know."

Poor Allen was still stuck on the 'or guys' part.

"_D-did you just call me gay?"_ he spluttered, flailing a bit.

"What? Oh shit, did I? I swear it just came out, seriously," Lavi said, but he couldn't suppress his wicked grin even as he held his hands up in mock-surrender.

"You _ass_! You utter _a-_"

"Now, now, we know Lavi doesn't frequently think before speaking, but he had the right idea," Lenalee said calmly.

Allen looked in complete shock and disbelief.

"Oh, crap, no, that's not what I meant, Allen!" she quickly corrected herself, "I mean, you do need a new wardrobe."

"Right. If you guys are going to stay in here and talk about this gay shit, I'm out," Kanda grumbled, attempting to slink out of the room unnoticed. Lenalee and Lavi both grabbed his shoulders and held him in place.

"Not a chance, best friend o' mine. Frankly, I think you could use a nice clubbin' outfit too," Lavi beamed.

"Really, Kanda. I'd like to see you in some color- and you don't have anything nice to wear for the celebratory party after the competition. Don't tell me you were planning to go receive ten thousand dollars wearing a pair of jeans and a sweatshirt?"

Kanda's silence was enough of an answer.

"That's it, we're going shopping," Lenalee announced, "Komui-nii!"

A moment later, thunderous footsteps ran down the hall and Komui appeared, breathless, in the doorway.

"Yes, my beautiful and perfect little sister?"

"We're going shopping, so I'm taking the car."

"Shopping, eh? With these _guys_? I don't know if I want them seeing my precious little sister--"

"No, no, we're going shopping _for _these guys. Allen and Kanda have like, zero fashion sense."

"Seriously," Lavi agreed solemnly.

"Ah, I see. Okay then, have fun! Be careful with your masculinity, boys!" he added as a cheery warning. Kanda and Allen twitched.

"If you weren't my cousin, I swear I'd--" Kanda began in a low growl. Lenalee stood to tower over him- well, not quite, since she was shorter, but it had the same effect.

"You'd do _what_?" she asked sweetly, while glowering at him with the intensity to melt steel.

"…_tch_."

"That's right. Now let's go!"

* * *

The mall was probably the closest you could get to the last level of hell on earth, Kanda figured. He couldn't ascertain what the hell was so addictive or appealing about it- a stuffy building crowded with overpriced things and pushy people who had nothing better to do than drool over crap made in China that they couldn't even afford.

He glared at a child that made the mistake of stepping on his shoe, and allowed a somewhat pleased smirk when the kid ran crying for his parents.

"Here we are!" Lenalee called, and his pleased mood dropped like a fly on the savannah.

He didn't bother looking at what the store was called, because he knew he'd _never_ come back again anyway.

"Wait here, guys," Lenalee continued when they walked in, "I know a guy here who can help us out. Lavi, make sure Kanda doesn't kill anyone or run away."

"Because it's just that easy to restrain a psycho. Alright, alright, I'll make sure Yuu here behaves. Got that Yuu?" he waggled his finger at his friend, "Eating people is a no-no!"

"How about I just kill _you_ instead you little--"

"Jeez, Kanda, Lavi, people are staring!" Allen hissed quietly.

"Yeah? Maybe they're just staring at your weird-ass face, beansprout, ever think of that?"

"You're such an _ass_!" Allen almost pouted. '_But at least he's looking at me now…'_

"Okay guys!" Lenalee's voice signaled her speedy return, "Everyone remember…Marie?"

Kanda whipped around at the name and blinked.

"…Marie. Noise Marie?"

"Kanda? That's right, you're still with Lenalee…" Marie shook his head. "You know what they say- _it's a small world after all."_

Lavi was about to continue the song, and Allen slapped a hand over his mouth.

"Sing it and I will kill you, even before Kanda does."

"What the hell are you doing here, Marie?" Kanda asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Well, you know, not everyone can get a cushy job right after graduating," Marie coughed, "so this is kind of an on-the-side gig for some extra cash."

"Wow, that kind of sucks," Lavi noted.

"Kind of. But I've got a new job offer from Florida that pays double what I'm getting now, so this is really a short-term thing."

"That's good to hear. Now onto the important stuff," Lenalee began in an authoritative manner, "Marie, Kanda and Allen got accepted into the National Cake Competition."

"_Seriously_?!" Marie gaped, "Damn. I knew you were both geniuses, but I didn't realize…well, anyway. Alright Lenalee, let me guess. Kanda's going to wear jeans and Allen has like, one outfit max?"

"Exactly. I see you remember them well from culinary school," Lenalee grinned. "And that's why we're here. You're great with putting outfits together- please, I beg you, save these two from the depths of fashion hell!"

Marie cracked his knuckles in an ominous way that made Allen gulp and Kanda take a step back.

"Let's get started then."

* * *

A shocking red Ferrari shot down an L.A. side-street, sliding to a dignified halt in front of an out-of-place and outdated Victorian style house. A young girl decked out in classic Lolita fashion hopped down from the porch to greet the man stepping out of the car.

"How ostentatious, Tyki," she chastised in a voice that sounded older than she looked.

"You know that's my style, Rhode," the so called Tyki responded airily, locking the beautiful machine behind him with the press of a button. "Now. Does Uncle Earl have the information?"

"Of course," Rhode replied, rolling her eyes, "though Jazz and David were clumsy idiots about the whole ordeal. You better yell at them, Tyki," the girl ordered, hands on her hips as she walked Tyki up to the front door. "Uncle Earl wouldn't let me hurt them too badly, so I promised them you'd do it."

"We'll see about that," Tyki sighed, "I'm really not in the mood to ruin another decent pair of clothes thanks to those two. Last time they ripped my favorite shirt, and squashed that hat I'd received as a birthday present. I was most displeased."

"…can't you just buy another one? Come _on_ Tyki, it's been such a long time since we've had a good family brawl."

Tyki paused and stared down at Rhode.

"You are the most deranged little girl I've ever met. You whined to me about family unity, which is why I agreed to come, mind you, but all you really want is a good fight. Let me guess- Uncle Earl canceled the wrestling channel?"

Rhode pouted.

"Maybe."

Tyki sighed again and reached a hand to ruffle Rhode's spiky purple hair.

"Look. Since you're my favorite and all, or something like that, when we win this cake competition, I'll take you to see a wrestling match. How's that?"

"Aw, Tyki, I love you!" she launched herself at him.

"Personal space, Rhode, personal- ah! Ribs! My ribs!"

* * *

"Well, Kanda, how do you feel?" Lenalee asked.

She, Lavi and Marie (after having collected sufficiently tall stacks of clothes for Allen and Kanda to try on) were sitting in front of the dressing room, forcing the two style-deprived boys to model the outfits chosen for them.

"How do I _feel_?" Kanda repeated.

"Yeah- fashion's all about making yourself feel good and having self-esteem. So how do you feel?"

Kanda twitched (or had a mini seizure?) and clenched his fists.

"I'm wearing _pink_, how the hell do you _think_ I feel?" he asked, scathingly.

Lavi, at the end of his self-control, burst out laughing.

"You!" Kanda growled, "You picked this outfit, _didn't you, you fucking rabbit!"_

And indeed it was so, for who else but Lavi would be brave enough to make Kanda wear an outfit consisting of hot pink skinny jeans (he found them in the girl's section- thank god Kanda was so thin), a turquoise T-shirt that had a few too many sequins on it to be found in the average male's wardrobe, and a lovely scarf (from the little girls section, this time) with pink and blue flowers.

He seriously hadn't expected Kanda to even put it on, but hey, Kanda _was_ a little--

"Um, Lenalee," Allen's voice broke through Lavi's hysterics and Kanda's threats of castrating Lavi with a spoon.

"Yes, Allen?"

"Lenalee, I think someone made a mistake… why is there a dress in my stack?"

This time, Lavi turned to Lenalee.

"You didn't."

She grinned viciously.

"I _so_ did." She hid the wickedness in her voice and replied, "Oh, I'm sure it's not an actual _dress_ Allen. There's a lot of cool, modern fashions like that, you know? Just try it on and come out!"

"Does Komui know you're this good at lying?"

"No, and let's keep it that way."

A few moments later, Allen stumbled out, looking even more uncomfortable than Kanda.

"Oh my god, you're so _cute_!" Lenalee squealed, unable to resist the fangirlish urge to hug Allen.

"I never thought I'd say this," Lavi began seriously, "…but oh my gosh, she's totally right!" He giggled in impersonation of a teenage girl.

"S-Shut up!" Allen half-shouted, "I can't believe this…"

But it was true- Allen looked amazingly cute in the dress Lenalee had so carefully picked out for him. It was a lacy, rose number, with a corset-style top that cinched in at the waist, giving Allen the appearance of an hourglass figure. The poet sleeves had velvet ribbons around the arms, and the skirt was knee-length and trimmed with burgundy velvet and white lace.

"Kanda, you kind of look like a fish…are you okay?" Marie asked suddenly, and Allen's eyes met Kanda's.

* * *

A/N: LOL. YES, THIS STORY IS STILL ABOUT A CAKE COMPETITION, DON'T WORRY.

Haha. Seriously, this chapter was half spawned by my odd amusement at seeing boys in dresses and because I watch too much 'What Not to Wear'... that and I really wanted to call the Millenium Earl 'Uncle Earl'...

...and I had to bring Marie and Tyki and Rhode in because they're so much fun to write! :P But _hmm_, what is this _information _that Tyki is after? And WHAT (if anything) does it have to do with the cake competition??

We shall see...we shall see...

This was written as stress-relief, so if it's a little cracky, it's because I'm kind of a little cracky right now. :D

I haven't really taken the time to edit this one, so if ya spot any errors, do let me know.

Hope you enjoyed!


	4. Relations

"Fuck, who's this hottie?"

Allen gasped and Lavi waggled his eyebrows suggestively.

"…is totally what you're thinking, right?" he nudged Kanda, who abruptly closed his mouth and growled.

"No, I'm thinking I want to strangle this red headed bitch-kid that just touched me. How many times have I told you _not to touch me_?"

"Bet you wouldn't mind if _Allen_ touched you," Lavi taunted, almost cackling as both boys turned a rather pleasant shade of tomato.

"And I also wouldn't mind if a chainsaw happened to touch your jugular while you were fucking asleep. Keep that in mind when you go to bed--"

"Wait, so you admit it?" Lenalee threw in. When Kanda gave her a 'what the hell are you talking about' look, she clarified: "I mean, didn't you just say you _also_ wouldn't mind? Does that mean Lavi was right?"

"Lenalee don't be silly," Allen spoke before Kanda this time, laughing nervously, "and please don't say things that could endanger yourself, it'll be quite hard to protect you from Kanda's violent wrath in such a crowded place."

Lenalee shook her head. "You two are the silly ones," she muttered. "But whatever."

"…so can I get out of this ridiculous outfit?" Allen asked hopefully, "I don't care how modern it is, it looks like a _dress--_"

"That's because it _is_, dumbass," Kanda muttered, "can't you read the frickin' label? It's from the girls section."

Allen's face went from shocked mixed with disbelief to embarrassment and a subtle desire to kill. He finally turned to Lenalee with an agonized expression.

"_Lenalee_," he cried, "you said you wouldn't put me in a dress!"

"Oh but you're so cute!" Lenalee insisted, sighing when Allen's eyes finally got to her. "Okay, okay, I'm sorry. But you pulled it off better than I'd expected. The rest are actual outfits, I promise," she consoled her woeful friend. "You can go change too, Kanda," she added, "...I think you're scaring people."

Kanda gave Lavi a glare that plainly said 'I will kill you when Lenalee is out of the way, chop you up into little pieces using a spoon and then feed them to a piranha and then blow the damn fish up and-'

Well, you get the picture.

"Stop saying fucked up shit," he ordered the two conspirators before he stormed into the dressing room behind Allen.

He didn't get a chance to tell Allen that Lavi and Lenalee were talking bull as usual and he shouldn't listen to them; the teen had hurried into the dressing room to change (Kanda didn't blame him), and the sounds of his struggle with the dress caught Kanda's ears.

"Don't hurt yourself, beansprout," he teased as he headed into his own room.

The next outfit wasn't nearly as bad as the last. Kanda suspected Marie had picked this one, as it had his preferred colors of black and grays but there was enough color to please Lenalee. The dark-washed jeans fit well (and they were from the _men's section this time, thank you very much_), the collared shirt was a pale shade of steely blue, and the jacket was a dark turquoise number with a checkered pattern that he surprisingly didn't mind. Feeling somewhat decent, Kanda walked out of his stall at the same time Allen exited his.

Allen looked much more comfortable in tan corduroy pants, a dark green shirt and a cream colored sweater. It looked alright -- better than alright, but Kanda wasn't going to admit that -- but it didn't look very _Allen_. (The brown newspaper-boy hat was a nice touch, though).

Allen cleared his throat as an unvoiced question: _well?_

"You look like an idiot," Kanda stated finally.

Allen stared at him for a moment, before giving a brilliant smile. "You too," he replied pleasantly, completely without any annoyance or bite to his retort. Kanda arched a slim eyebrow.

"What the hell, are you that happy to get out of the dress? I just insulted you, dumbass."

"I know," Allen said, still smiling. "But you're talking to me, so I couldn't care less," he finished gently, leaving Kanda blinking after him as he left the dressing room.

"…fucking_ beansprout,_" Kanda breathed, shaking his head and clenching his fists by his side. "What the hell am I supposed to do with that?!"

"Kanda," Lenalee's voice called him from outside, "let's see yours now!"

"Allen says you look hot," Lavi put in, and Kanda could hear the evilness in his voice.

He could also hear Allen's high-pitched, affronted whine. "L-Lavi!" He allowed a smile that was more of a smirk before returning the annoyed look to his face.

"I'm coming, dammit!"

* * *

The trip to hell, er, the mall, was not wholly pointless. Kanda found two outfits he wasn't likely to shred once he got the chance, and Lenalee managed to fit Allen with almost an entirely new wardrobe.

Above mentioned young woman was busy informing Allen on how to mix and match, what not to wear on which day of the week, his particular 'color palette', whatever the hell that was, and other such things. She and her politely listening abductee were leading the way back to the exit, with Lavi and Kanda bringing up the rear.

Suddenly, Lenalee gasped and latched onto Allen.

"_Shoes_!" she exclaimed, wringing the poor boy's arm, "I totally forgot about shoes!"

"Oh _hell_ no--" Kanda began, and she waved him off.

"Not you, I know you've at least got a decent pair of Converse in your closet and you can just borrow Komui's fancy shoes. But Allen," she turned to face him and very seriously said, "I cannot let you board that plane wearing the same raggedy pair you've had since _high school_."

"B-But Lenalee, they're fine…" Allen replied, scratching the back of his neck and looking down at his faithful shoes. They were dark gray even though the shoe was supposed to be white, the laces were shredded, and random pieces were missing for unknown reasons.

Lenalee gave him A Look and Allen sighed in defeat.

"Okay, so they're kind of beat up…but can't we do this some other time?" He glanced sideways at Lavi and Kanda. "I mean, I wouldn't want to keep those two here too, you know…"

Lenalee promptly tossed Kanda the car keys. "Fou's not here so you two should get home in one piece. Tell Komui that Allen and I will just take the subway home, or something."

"Will do, Lenalee darling." Lavi grinned, "Have fun Allen. Ciao!" He grabbed Kanda's arm and they very nearly ran out.

"Let go of me, freak," Kanda growled, wrenching his arm from Lavi's grasp as the redhead tugged him around the parking lot.

"So-o touchy today, Yuu," Lavi chastised, reflexively avoiding Kanda's fist. "Honestly, must you get so violent the second you are separated from Allen?"

"You really need to stop doing drugs," Kanda said with grave seriousness, "because it's fucking with your fucked up brain and fucking it up even more than before."

"Says the one still in fucking _denial_," Lavi replied, dancing out of Kanda's reach. "C'mon Yuu, nobody's here now, you can tell me. What the _hell_ happened betwixt you and the little bean?"

"You really wanna know?" Lavi nodded eagerly. "Ab-so-lute-ly _nothing_," Kanda ground out, stalking to the car. He opened the door roughly and slammed it shut.

"Lenalee's gonna kill you if you hurt her baby," Lavi said, sliding into the passenger seat.

"Duly noted," Kanda replied dryly as he all but broke the parking brake while releasing it.

"But c'_mon_, Yuu," Lavi began again as Kanda drove out of the mall, "I've been your friend for like, ages. Don't try to lie to me, it's rather insulting." At Kanda's silence, Lavi continued. "Look, man, you know it's perfectly chill with me if your door swings both ways, if you get what I mean. Or if you just plain prefer dudes to chicks, that's cool too."

"You _asshole--_"

"But I think," Lavi interrupted smoothly with the air of someone about to make a great philosophical statement, "I think that you're just gay for Allen. Which is great, seeing as he's just as fruity for you too, seriously."

Kanda nearly snapped the steering wheel in half.

"Okay, seriously, what the _fuck_ are you on, stupid rabbit?" Kanda half-yelled, "How do you know _anything _about this?"

"A-ha, so I'm right," Lavi grinned, catching the tell-tale hint of pink across Kanda's nose, "you _do_ still have a crush on Allen. And he's like, in love with you, FYI. So what I fail to see here is why you two haven't hooked up yet. Which goes back to my question, what happened?" He could see Kanda debating his choices plainly on his face, so Lavi added quietly, "You can tell me, Yuu. You're kind of a mess about it, aren't you?"

Kanda narrowed his eyes.

"If you laugh," he began slowly, "or even _look_ like you're going to laugh, want to laugh, or will laugh when I'm not around, I will disembowel you right here in this car and make you bleed all over the seats so that Lenalee will kill you when she finds out."

* * *

"Well if it isn't Tyki!" David exclaimed upon Tyki's entrance into the old Victorian home. The dark-haired twin slid down the sweeping banister, landing with surprising grace in the foyer. "You bastard, what took you so long?" He asked, hands on his hips.

"Yeah!" Jazz's voice rang from the staircase and not a moment later he followed his twin downstairs, sliding along the banister head first. He crashed into David from behind and the two ended up in a tangled heap on the floor. Using David's head to heave himself up, Jazz pouted up at his older cousin. "Why're you so late? It's been so boring since Uncle Earl put us under house arrest."

Tyki sighed as the twins stood and dusted themselves off. "What did you two idiots do this time?"

"Shot an old lady-"

"-on accident, though. And a kid on a bike-"

"-but that one was on purpose, 'cuz-"

"-that kid was one annoying little bitch-"

"-she ripped out my _beautiful_ hair, so naturally-"

"-we had to pay her back."

"And then there was the hot tub incident-"

"Er, no details on that one, thanks," Tyki interjected hurriedly.

"But the last one was with a chicken farm," David concluded.

"A chicken farm," Tyki repeated, raising an eyebrow. "What the _hell_ did you two do in a _chicken_ farm? I didn't even know there _were_ chicken farms in L.A."

"It wasn't our fault!" Jazz insisted, flailing his arms.

"Yeah, it was this red-headed _bastard_ we met at a bar-"

"-and he left us his tab! Do you know how _big_ that tab was?!"

"We're scarred for life!" they both cried, hugging each other, nearly in tears.

"…o-kay, still don't see what that has to do with a chicken farm, but I don't really care anyway," Tyki waved them off and turned to Rhode, who looked disappointed that Tyki hadn't already beaten up the two wailing twins. "Oi, Rhode, where's Uncle?"

"In the study," she replied with a delicate sigh.

* * *

"Lenalee, I think it fits!" Allen's voice nearly cracked with happiness. Finally, after _three hours_, he could see the light at the end of the tunnel!

"Really?" Lenalee put down a stack of boxes she had been carrying over. She motioned for him to stand and model the shoes (black leather boots that were on the tall side). With an approving smile, she proclaimed: "Great!"

"Can we go now?" he asked meekly, and she laughed and nodded.

"Yeah, let's."

Allen could have cried.

* * *

Tyki knocked on the imposing mahogany door to the tune of _Mary Had a Little Lamb_.

"Tyki!" the croaky voice of his uncle rang out in recognition, "My boy, come in, come in!"

"Good afternoon, Uncle Earl," Tyki greeted respectfully, shutting the door after he entered.

"How have you been? You look so thin. And what's with those clothes?" Uncle Earl peered over his round glasses. "You look like a hooligan."

"It's the new fashion, Uncle."

"You pay to look like a hobo?" his uncle asked disapprovingly, "Not in my house. Here." He tossed a very old-style jacket (coattails and all) and a familiar squashed top-hat at his nephew. "Put those on and look decent."

"Yes, yes. I'm not staying long though," Tyki said as he donned the 'respectable' clothes. "Rhode told me you had the documents?"

"Indeed, I do."

"_Wonderful_. So? The theme of the Cake Competition is…?"

"Oh, it's just the cutest thing," Uncle Earl gushed, with a strange chuckle.

"What _is it_?"

"You'll _definitely _have the advantage over the other unsuspecting contestants, Tyki dear."

"That's what I planned. Now would you tell me what it is? Er, please?" He hastily tacked on.

"Of course, that's why you came, isn't it? But first… I think we should have a nice family dinner."

Tyki groaned.

* * *

"I think I've done enough shopping for my entire life," Allen said with a weak laugh as they walked to the subway station.

"Ha-ha, sorry Allen. Fou's not a fan of shopping either, so it's been a while since I've had someone to shop with."

"It's alright, let's just…not…do it again for a while, okay?"

"As long as you don't wear that museum worthy outfit again, I promise I won't drag you back."

"Deal."

They shared a moment of easy laughter and lapsed into comfortable silence until they reached the station. As they waited for the train to arrive, Lenalee spoke again.

"Hey, Allen?"

"Yeah?"

"You still don't know why Kanda was all pissed off?"

"No… do you?"

"No. But with any luck, Lavi'll find out."

"I hope he does. And soon."

"Mhm. He will."

"…wait…is that why we went looking for shoes?"

"Hmm?"

"So that Kanda and Lavi could talk?"

Lenalee allowed the hint of a smile.

"Who knows?"

"…_Lenalee_, you dragged me around a mall for _three hours for that_?!"

"But you got really cute shoes, didn't you?"

* * *

A/N: _Whaaat_, she updated Ace of Cakes _before_ Sugar Free?!

Hope you peeps don't mind too much. Lots of stress equals me writing crackish things. Sugar Free requires too much brain power at the moment. Heh...

SO. About Kanda opening up so easily, well, in this fic, he's already acknowledged he likes Allen to himself, so he's over that stage. And then he and Lavi like...grew up together, so they're supahclose. That's my reasoning. Just go with it. :P

Well, now you know what those superspecialawesomesecret documents were... and OMG, TYKI'S A CHEATER?!

As a closing note, I love the Noah family. They're so freaking amusing. Expect more of Rhode, Jazz, David and maybe even summore Uncle Earl. I'm debating if I should include Skinn (who if you remember from chapter uno, was Kanda and Lavi's teacher in high school, lolz) and Lulubell. Whatchyoo guys think?

Oh ya: LOVE TO MY REVIEWERS. You make life wonderful. :3


	5. Bon Voyage, Darlings

Authors Note: Thanks for the reviews everyone! :D

Enjoy!

* * *

"Tyki dear, would you pass the mashed potatoes?"

"Yes, Uncle," Tyki placed the requested dish in his Uncle's pudgy hands.

"It's so nice," Uncle Earl began happily, ladling the mushy goodness onto his plate, "that we can have such a lovely family dinner together. It's so nice, when families can do that. Don't you think?"

Tyki raised an eyebrow. He knew his Uncle was a little nearsighted, but was he seriously going blind? And legally deaf, too, because if Rhode's cheering got any louder—

– a utensil (Tyki couldn't tell what it was exactly, it flew by too fast) clanged into the back wall, and Tyki sighed.

"Lovely family dinner, sure," he grumbled as Jazz fell into his lap, brandishing a spoon.

"Oi, _Tyki,_" Jazz screeched, "don't interfere if you don't wanna die, yeah?"

"You idiot, I didn't even touch you," Tyki growled, pinching the bridge of his nose with one hand as he shoved Jazz out of his personal bubble with the other.

"Jazz, duck!" David screamed from the other side of the table, and Tyki (having good sense) ducked as well, just as another projectile- this one something squishy sounding, whizzed past them to splatter against the wall.

"Oh it's no fun if you _duck_, Tyki," Rhode whined. Her eyes brightened almost immediately afterwards with another thought: "…unless you're going to punch stupid David for flinging that baked apple at you?" she asked hopefully.

To his left, Uncle Earl was cooing something about the importance of family bonds (still piling on those potatoes, mind you). To his right, Jazz was ramming their chairs together, and from his peripheral vision he could see David trying to aim another apple. Rhode was now leaning over the table, reaching out to tug his sleeve with every chant of _you gonna punch him, Tyki? Huh, Tyki?_

Why was he here again?

* * *

"So he forgot."

Kanda grunted in the affirmative.

"…just like that."

A curt nod.

"_Damn_, Yuu," Lavi let out a low whistle, "that sucks some major ass. Who knew the kid had alcohol induced amnesia issues? And what a way to find out, huh…"

"Yeah, I got that much, now where's that amazing advice of yours, stupid rabbit?" Kanda snapped.

"Right, right! Gimme a minute to think, would ya?"

"…that is, _if_ the bean has amnesia issues," Kanda muttered after a moment of silence.

Lavi blinked and turned fully in his seat to look at his friend. "Yuu, what do you mean?"

"I _mean_, what if he's just ignoring it because he doesn't really feel that way and just did that shit because he was drunk?" Kanda spat out, clenching the steering wheel.

"…Yuu…" Lavi sighed, "…so that's why you're so hurt about this." He made to touch Kanda's shoulder sympathetically but was roughly swatted away.

"I'm not _hurt_ about this, freaking rabbit. Just pissed, you got that?"

Lavi waved him off. "But I don't think you need to worry," he smiled. "Allen really likes you, even if he doesn't remember confessing."

"Tch. So now what?"

"Well, I've told you what I know," Lavi said, putting his hands behind his head. "The rest is up to you."

"What the hell, _that's _your piece-of-shit advice?"

"Hey, it's not like I'm leaving you completely hanging, you know. I've got a plan, a fucking amazing one at that. Now are you gonna let me finish talking?"

"Tch! Just get on with it."

"So I'm thinking that we're suddenly short on funds," Lavi began eagerly, "and so you and Allen-chan are gonna have to share a room in the fancy ass hotel where the competition's taking place. Which means, ple-enty of al_o_ne time, yeah?" He grinned. "Now, you've got two options. You can either confront the kid verbally, you know, sit down all pillow-talk like _or_, my personal favorite, you just shove him up against a wall and kiss him like you did last time. Should work beautifully, I think."

Kanda twitched.

"You're no help," he groaned, "you're fucking _insane_."

"It'll work, I swear!" Lavi insisted. "Oh, and make sure you take video, yeah? Ow! Ow, not my head! Hey-- _Yuu, watch the road!_"

* * *

Kanda's mood remained pissed upon reaching home- though scaring the pants off Lavi by swerving on the highway was damn good fun and did manage to bring a tiny smile to his face. Komui's heartbroken, enraged shriek of _you left my sister WHERE_ nearly made his ears bleed, and only after squashing his older cousin's foot hard enough to shut him up could Kanda get a word in edgewise.

"Listen, you sister-complex," he growled, "Lenalee told us to leave, so we did. Or are you saying your perfect little sister can't handle something like a fucking mall?"

Komui sniffled, but sulked back to his office with a muttered, "How dare you! Stupid Kanda, stupid Lavi."

They found Fou in Lenalee's room playing some sort of violent game on her video game system.

"Yo!" she grinned, pausing the game. "How was the mall, girls?"

"Shut the fuck up."

"He means it was okay, thanks for asking. Hey, you totally missed out, Fou," Lavi said, pulling a beanbag over to sit next to her. "Lenalee got Allen in a dress."

"Woah, you freakin' serious? Damn!" Her eyes slid over to Kanda. "And what about this Asian beauty? Get him in a kimono or somethin'?"

"If you weren't a girl, I'd punch you. Oh, wait, you're not. Get up so I can kick your ass, fucker," Kanda hissed, leaning against the doorframe.

"Sorry, _Yuu,_" Fou drawled sweetly, "but you know my morals. I don't fight kids or _little girls._"

"Enough with the gender cracks, people," Lavi sighed. "Seriously Fou, we've all had our masculinity questioned with this mall venture, ya know. 'Cept maybe me, but you know it's impossible to question _this_," he motioned to himself smugly.

"That's right, can't question what you'll never know," Kanda agreed with a smirk. "No point in something like that, huh, stupid rabbit?"

Fou laughed heartily. "I _knew_ there was a reason we kept you around, girly man!" At Kanda's growl she coughed and waved a hand. "Alright, alright. So, where are Lee and the little cross-dresser anyway?"

"Shoe shopping."

Fou winced. "Ouch." She made the symbol of the cross. "And may his soul rest in peace."

Lavi and Kanda looked solemnly at the floor.

"Amen."

* * *

Just as Tyki was actually going to listen to Road and sucker punch the twins while they argued noisily, the room fell silent. A slim, shadowy figure stood in the doorway.

"Oh, Lulubell dear," Uncle Earl clapped his hands joyfully. "And you're just in time for desert!"

Lulubell pocketed her glasses and bowed at the waist. Tyki rolled his eyes. Always so formal, their oldest cousin was.

"It is good to be home, honored Uncle." When she straightened she reached behind her, back through the door, and tugged something forward. The 'something' turned out to be a hefty, dark-skinned man with dark brown hair gelled up into spikes. "I located Skinn, as you asked."

Skinn waved half-heartedly.

"Skinn, you fat ass, no wonder Lulu was late," David said, grinning, "what, were you pigging out in the school cafeteria again_, Mr. Boric_?"

"Please refrain from addressing me thusly," Lulubell said through pursed lips, narrowing her eyes at David.

"Ha-ha, Mr. Boric! You sound so important, Skinn," Jazz trilled.

"Now, now, Jasdevi," Uncle Earl said in his 'chastising voice', "you two scoot down so Lulubell and Skinn can sit near me."

"Ehh? But then we can't talk to Tyki!" David complained.

"Yeah, yeah!" Jazz agreed, nodding energetically.

"Because we were having _such_ the intelligent conversation," Tyki said sarcastically.

Uncle Earl fixed the twins with a steely smile and they squeaked, shuffling down two seats. Lulubell sat beside Tyki and Skinn took David's seat.

The butler (probably a distant relative twice removed, judging by the resemblance he bore to Jazz and David- something that greatly amused Tyki) placed porcelain bowls of sorbet on the table. Skinn dug into his immediately, slurping down the icy desert with apparently no symptom of brain freeze. Lulubell took a dignified spoonful before folding her napkin and declaring herself full. Rhode finished hers neatly but speedily, and when she began eyeing Tyki's untouched bowl, he slid the desert to her and won a brilliant smile.

"Thanks, Tyki!"

"Not in the mood for desert, Tyki dear?" Uncle Earl asked, tilting his head.

"No, I'm too excited to eat," Tyki replied, smiling, "you know, about the _cake competition_."

"Oh-ho-ho, yes, I almost forgot!" Earl chortled. Tyki laughed uneasily with him. "Everyone, I want to announce something."

Jazz and David stopped stealing sorbet from each other's bowls, Skinn stopped licking his clean, and Rhode and Lulubell sat up straighter in their seats.

"Now, you should know that Tyki," he reached over to pinch Tyki's cheek, "is competing in the National Cake Competition. And naturally since we want our dear Tyki to have the edge, I made sure to get the inside information, such a kind and loving uncle am I! And I also got everyone here front row tickets!"

Tyki almost did a head-desk. _His entire family_ showing up for the competition? _Well, the deadline to pull out is next week…_

"And I think all of you will enjoy hearing the theme as well. The theme is…"

Tyki leaned forward in his seat, all thoughts of resignation gone. Hell, for ten thousand dollars he'd even babysit Jazz and David. Handling his family in a crowded public place would be easy in comparison.

"…_love!_"

* * *

Three weeks since receiving the news of the National Cake Competition, the day for Kanda and Allen to leave for California arrived.

It was a Monday morning, at a chilly 5 o'clock. The entire cake gang gathered at the shop for a final drink and bon voyage party for the two participants.

"Fou, you are the _only_ person I know who could drink so much so early in the morning," Allen said, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. Fou finished off her third bottle of beer and grinned.

"Well, I've gotta drink your share too, right? Don't want this stuff to go to waste and what not."

"Okay, everyone," Lavi called, bringing the group together in a circle. "Now, it's about time for Yuu and Allen to set off on their big journey," he said with the air of a commander sending his troops off to battle. "And we want you two to know that we're all with you, all the way. Win or lose, but you'll definitely win, we're with you. Now, go forth and kick some ass!" He raised his bottle up and everyone clanged theirs with his in a loud cheer.

"Tch, it's just a stupid competition," Kanda grumbled, but it was obvious he had to force it.

"I think it'll be fun," Allen said brightly. "I look forward to working with you, jerk," he added teasingly.

"Just don't mess it up, bean," Kanda replied with a tiny smirk.

Lavi, Lenalee and Fou, who were watching the scene with a certain fondness shook their heads. Silly boys, this trip would do them more good than they could imagine.

"Right, Kanda, Allen, we should get going," Lenalee said, leading the two to the door with a hand on their shoulders. "See you later, Lavi, Fou."

"Bye guys! Tell Miranda, too, when she comes." Allen said happily, waving as he left.

"Bye Allen! Yuu! Aren't you going to say goodbye? Won't you miss me?" Lavi called.

"Tch, like hell I'd miss your annoying voice, stupid rabbit!"

"Ciao, femme face!" Fou sang. "Maybe if you come back after kicking some ass I'll acknowledge that you're a real boy!"

"Get ready to eat every fucking girl comment you ever made, bitch," Kanda replied, but when he followed Allen and Lenalee out the door, he raised his hand in something of a wave.

- - -

The drive to the airport was uneventful (except for Allen falling asleep on Kanda's shoulder, and, Lenalee noticed with glee, Kanda declining to shove the other boy off, opting instead to pointedly look out the window with softer eyes than usual. But Lenalee pretended she didn't see anything when Kanda's eyes snapped back to the rearview mirror to check). Lenalee offered to stay until they checked in, but there was quite a bit of traffic at JFK, and Kanda's gruff 'leave, it's not like you could help' was actually good advice.

"Alright, have fun!" she gave each of them a hug. "Be safe, don't hurt each other and be sure to teach the other guys a lesson on how to bake, okay?"

"Naturally," Allen replied, grinning. "Bye, Lenalee. Thanks for driving us!"

"Not at all. Bye!"

They watched and waved (well, Allen did) until she drove off into the mass of cars.

"Let's go, beansprout."

* * *

A/N: Yay, a last update before school! :D

This one was fun to write, and yay, actually has PLOT! I think the Noah family dinner is the best part, if you ask me.

Oh, for those who care: in a very much belated attempt at posting something for Yullen week, I've written a drabble on the theme comfort that's up. :3

Review if you laughed or smiled or cried (lol wut?).


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